Last week, for the first time since arriving in Scotland, I found myself feeling down. The sky was smothered by a dark, gloomy blanket of clouds, stifling any touch of warmth and any crevice of light. The second I stepped outside, making my way to my database systems class, my emotions flatlined, leaving me hollow for the first time in months.
After a grueling 2 hour lecture, I began running through my mental boost checklist to revive my spirit. I dominated a “master” level of sudoku, strolled over to Lazeez Tandoori for a warm helping of lamb biryani, and set back home indulge in the ultimate comfort movie— Kung Fu Panda. Yet, despite my efforts, my spirits remained deflated.
Stuck in this rut, I turned towards my last resort: a piping hot shower teamed with a classic 70’s concert. I set the perfect queue, popped my iphone in my makeshift amplifier—a toothbrush holder— and cranked the heat. But in that steaming shower, no matter how much I Moonwalked like Micheal Jackson or air-guitared to “Hotel California,” I couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness.
Fortunately, a good night’s sleep cured the prior day’s emotional sickness. However it had me wondering, if I had a more serious, prolonged mental rut, what would I turn to? What if it hadn’t gone away? What if it had gotten worse?
With my parents, psychiatrist, and close friends thousands of miles away across the Atlantic, I wondered, if I was desperate for someone to confide in, who would help lift me out of a hole in Scotland?
So began a period of research into mental health services offered in Scotland. Gradually, as I surfed through the web, I began feeling a sense of security and joy.
The more I read about Scotland’s initiatives to combat mental health issues, the more I marveled at their commitment to treating and preventing anxiety, depression, and suicide. Their government has implemented a robust plan to tackle the mental health crisis. Healthcare is free for everyone, and every single secondary school (ages 12-18) is mandated to have a counselor on staff. In America, only half of the states require a counselor in Middle and High school.
All the sudden, mid search, I almost cried. Every bone in my body froze after reading this sentence –
“Every Life Matters has the overall aim of reducing the rate of suicide by 20% from a 2017 baseline, by 2022, and although progress was made, the reduction target was not fully met.”
In that moment, I was transported back to the living room couch of my cabin, where I was shattered to learn that my roommate—a dear friend—had taken his life. After countless chess matches and endless late-night bonding sessions, he was suddenly gone. I remember the shock like it was yesterday. I tried to move my hands to cover my face, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. Everyone in that room sat in silence without moving a muscle for a good 5 minutes. There was nothing to say, and nothing could be done.
Yet, in that upsetting moment of reflection, I was uplifted as well. There was a pain from a friend who was gone, but there was also a hope from the people here now. While the world isn’t perfect, there are countless people doing their best to make it better every day. In it’s own way, that is a form of perfection.
Discovering the extensive support systems in every primary school and the universal access to healthcare in Scotland brought me a sense of comfort I didn’t realize I was missing. And now, I can rest assured knowing that if I encounter another dark moment I won’t have to fight alone.
In closing, I’ll end with a quote from my all-time favorite tv show as a gentle reminder to anyone reading. You are not alone. If you are struggling, please reach out to those around you. They care about you more than you know.
“I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody in this room alone.” – Ted Lasso
